3 Ways You Punish Yourself (Which Leads to More Chaos)

In my years of coaching people or speaking to groups, I believe people don't succeed because they punish themselves using this mindset of blame and victim. Why punish?

You adopt these three behaviours by default when you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed or anxious. I do it too, and that's how the brain works - in patterns.

Complaining About Change

Why is change so difficult to accept at first?

  •  Because we're unsure of what lies on the other side of change; and
  • We doubt our capability of coping with the change.

When I found out I had breast cancer, the surgeon said, "You will face disruptions for the next 4 to 6 months." I was not happy because I got scared of all the changes taking place! I had to cancel or postpone my speaking engagements, and turn down new inquiries. That alone was difficult to cope with.

Yes, I complained about it because its lost revenue, but then I decided to use this time to catch up with all the things that were on the back burner so I could cope in a different way.

Complaining makes us feel good because we're imagining that there's something better waiting for us, but complaining creates negative vibe/energy which further leads to negative results.

Therefore, I stopped complaining and started working:

  • On my on-line course, which I never had time to do.
  • With a contractor to design an online store for our wellness centre.
  • To enhance our marketing efforts through videos and infographs.

Even though I was unsure of what lies on the other side of change when it came to my treatments, I took CONTROL of my situation by doing the things that I knew were going to make change easier.

Doing What You've Always Done

Einstein once said, "Insanity is when you keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result."

If you're watching your budget, then spending $2 on a coffee every day adds up to $60 a month. What if you saved that $60 and made coffee at home?

If you're watching your weight, then going via a drive-thru for a breakfast sandwich most mornings is not going to reduce your weight. What if you woke up fifteen minutes early and made a smoothie?

If you're striving to improve your working relationships, then being stingy with your time is not going to get you anywhere. What if you carved out time to talk to a co-worker or an employee?

Remember, if you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always had. Being flexible is key in having control of your situation.

Believing That There's No Way Out

Whatever you believe is true for you. I have felt this way several times in my life, but the two most important times I remember feeling helpless is - when I suffered from my speech impediment and went into debt between 2009-2012.

With my speech impediment, I thought I'd never amount to anything because I was scared of getting embarrassed with a stutter.

With the debt, I thought we'd go bankrupt because there seemed no way to access money to pay it off.

One of my mentors once told me, "Zaheen, there's a way! Ask yourself: What's that way?"

I now use this question every time I feel there's no way out. Then somehow, I find an answer to my limiting belief.

Can you relate to these three behaviours when you feel like your back is against the wall?

It's normal, however, the idea is to trick the brain by choosing a different pattern.

When you catch yourself complaining, STOP, and ask, "What's in my control?"

When you catch yourself doing what you've always done expecting a different result, ask, "What can I do differently that will create a positive outcome?"

When you catch yourself feeling like there's no way out, ask, "There's a way, what's the way?"

Zaheen Nanji is a Resilience Champion and trains people and organizations on how to build their resilience muscle so it becomes a first reflex in times of change and challenge.

You were very easy to deal with. Pleasant manner, tone of voice and easy to speak to.  You kind of have the voice and demeanor that make people "want" to talk with you. Once people know your story, they want to talk to you more, perhaps to grab a bit of your strength and positive attitude in their own lives.  I find you to have a caring way about you. Concerned for others and how you can help them be better at being them.

Leanne Carpenter

Office of the Chief Administrative Officer - Town of Stony Plain

Get in Touch

Prove you're human. Select the odd one out.
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Get in Touch

Prove you're human. Select the odd one out.
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

You were very easy to deal with. Pleasant manner, tone of voice and easy to speak to.  You kind of have the voice and demeanor that make people "want" to talk with you. Once people know your story, they want to talk to you more, perhaps to grab a bit of your strength and positive attitude in their own lives.  I find you to have a caring way about you. Concerned for others and how you can help them be better at being them.

Leanne Carpenter

Office of the Chief Administrative Officer - Town of Stony Plain

Zaheen Nanji is a Resilience Champion and trains people and organizations on how to build their resilience muscle so it becomes a first reflex in times of change and challenge.

X  |  Close X  |  Close