3 WAYS TO REGAIN AUTONOMY AND BE THE BOSS OF YOU
Throughout your life, many people have tried to shape your values and tell YOU what to believe, what to think, and what you should hold dear. Most, if not all of these people were well intentioned, each of them imparting lessons learned through experience, and speaking from their own unique perspective. These people were your parents, your teachers, your spiritual leaders and your friends. Every one of them wanted the best for you… as they saw fit.
Now you’re an adult, and as you’ve probably figured out, nobody is the boss of you except for you. Even if you follow the requests (or orders) of someone you hold to be an authority, you’re doing so because you choose to do so because you respect that authority.
With that understanding, it’s important that you only do or say things that align with your chosen core values, whether those requests come from within, or someone else.
When you run across situations that may have you question whether you are living your values or someone else’s, here are 3 quick ways to regain your autonomy, and ensure that you maintain a healthy degree of sovereignty…
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Check in and ask yourself if you are mad, sad, glad, scared, ashamed, or anything similar. If your dominant feelings are uplifting, you’re moving in the right direction. If you’re feeling consistently angry, sad, scared or ashamed, you’re probably living out of integrity with your core values, and trying to please someone else.
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, one of my mentors who is a healer asked me, “Were you angry or in conflict in the last 2-4 years?”
That question took me by surprise, but as I reflected back, I realized the I was in conflict and I resented working long hours just to keep up and sacrifice things that brought me joy. Now I’m not saying that feeling angry and in conflict creates cancer, but I know that when one is going through negative emotions, it’s not good for the mind and body.
2. Acknowledge Yourself
You’re amazing. You’re an extraordinary human being…and sometimes you forget that. When you forget, you seek validation from others, and probably give up your power in order to get it. Acknowledge the gold you see in yourself, and remind yourself what you love about you. Soon you’ll feel more powerful and centered, so you can regain the reins on your life, and make choices that serve you best.
I always said YES so we wouldn’t lose clients. I realized I was giving up my power. Now, I’ve learned to say NO and only see clients on specific days or only take up specific speaking engagements. It’s all about choices!
3. Communicate Your Boundaries
When your values are being compromised to the point of discomfort, unhappiness or resentment, it’s time to set some boundaries. When doing so, communicate clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, get angry, or apologize for the boundary you’re setting.
If you are doing the work of two people, go to the person who makes decisions and ask for extra help. He/she is not going to judge you if you explain how it can benefit them.
If you’re being asked to do something that causes discomfort, then explain why and make the person understand the value that is being compromised.
If you find yourself doing a lot at home when it comes to chores, communicate and delegate chores to your household members firmly and I highly recommend making lists for them (I do that).
You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you’re setting.
You are only responsible for communicating your boundary in a respectful manner.
You’re a powerhouse. Let the world know, not by dominating others, but by honoring yourself.