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How Can I Be More Present…. in the moment?

By zaheen | May 16, 2011

I have a client that I have been seeing for a few months and he really wanted to work on his tendency to “take on more things ” or he would just “do one more thing” before leaving for his appointments and then end up being late by a few minutes, which he did not really like. He wondered why he kept doing that. From the previous blog I wrote about how the unconscious mind works and how we represent Time through mental timelines.  I asked him if he wanted to explore his timeline and he was intrigued.

His past (i.e. working backwards from yesterday to childhood) started out in front of him, but 45 degrees towards the left and then went in counter clockwise direction to make a full circle. While his future (starting tomorrow and going forward in time) started right in front of him and went around, behind his head (6 months mark) and came around to his left and then went down in a straight line. The images of the future, up to about 6 months, were large and colourful and then they got smaller.

I told him my sense and interpretation of his timeline as follows: Since his past is around him in a circle, he “keeps bumping into his past” even though he is doing his best to move forward and his immediate future overlaps with experiences in childhood.  Moreover, his “yesterday”  and “tomorrow” are very close to each other and therefore, his present space, his now, is very small or short. Therefore, he is not allowing himself to be fully present in the moment! No wonder he keeps doing “one more thing”. We re-oriented his timeline and I have to say he did a splendid job… which I will discuss in my next blog.

Topics: Law of Attraction, NLP, Relationships, wealthy mind, weightloss | No Comments »

Do You Want to Stop an Unwanted Behaviour?

By zaheen | April 29, 2011

So continuing from my last blog, I decided to find out the client’s timeline and how she represented her past, present and future. In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) we learn that your “Time Line” is how you unconsciously store your memories or how you unconsciously know the difference between a memory from the past and a projection of the future. Behaviours and habits are formed and stored at an unconscious level. Similar to when you are driving a car and you wonder how you got to your destination because you were so lost in your thoughts. Your unconscious was driving that car. Therefore, behavioral change in an individual takes place at an unconscious level. Working with a person’s timeline allows the person to work at the unconscious level and release the effects of past negative experiences and change “inappropriate” programming or bahaviour in minutes.

After questioning her on how she represented her internal timeline patterns, we found out her past timeline started to her left and then came out in front of her, going up to her right. Her past timeline representations/images were colorful and bright. However, her future timeline started out to her right and stopped 3 feet from her. She couldn’t see beyond that because it was all grey and faded. Now she wondered if that was the reason she struggled with weight because she could not “see” her future and form outcomes or consequences about her eating behaviours? What an a-ha moment?

In my next coaching session with her, I am going to help her re-orient her timeline so she can create and attract a successful future.

Topics: Law of Attraction, NLP, weightloss | 1 Comment »

How do naturally thin people make decisions vs. people who struggle with weight?

By zaheen | April 26, 2011

Now that my husband and I have opened up a weight loss clinic in our wellness centre, it is interesting to note behavior strategies and decision strategies between people who struggle with weight and those that don’t . Being a life coach really helps! So how do naturally thin people stay thin? The one main difference is that they make a movie in their mind and see the outcomes of what will happen if they were to eat that particular piece of cake or dessert. People who struggle with weight, only see a still picture and do not a make a movie of the outcomes and consequences.

One of my clients, who is on our weight loss program, struggled with food temptations recently and gave in to her temptation. I asked her to put herself back to the time that she was having the temptation and true enough, she was making a movie about her temptation but the movie stopped as she was about to eat. This is also very common with people who struggle with weight.

Naturally thin people, make decisions about eating with one or a combination of the following:

I coached her on a decision strategy that would work for her and we also worked on her timeline, which I will talk about in my next blog article.

Topics: Law of Attraction, NLP, weightloss | 1 Comment »

Is Communication an Issue?

By zaheen | April 18, 2011

Did you know that we communicate visually, auditory or kinesthetically? Last year I was coaching a mother and her son separately, and in one session I realized that their communication styles are totally different and the reason they are having conflicts and misunderstandings is because the mother’s style is primarily visual while the son’s style is primarily kinesthetic. How did I know that? From their language patterns and eye accessing cues.

Visual people talk in pictures and they can form images very quickly. They use words like ” I see” or “crystal clear” or “big picture” or “get to the point” and they are impatient and can’t understand why others have to be so detailed or take so long to get to the point.

Auditory people love to talk and they hardly take notes because they also like to listen. They use words like “sounds good”, “tell me more” and they don’t like getting interrupted.

Kinesthetic people love to connect, share and communicate more about how they feel. They tend to use their gut feeling when making decisions and use words like, “I feel”, “I love”, “keep in touch”. Kinesthetic people need time when talking and need time to process information.

Going back to the mother and son….when I asked the mother some questions, she would look up and use words like “see”, “look”. Therefore, I knew she was looking at pictures or images and that is how she communicated. When I asked the son some questions, he looked down to his right and used words like, “feel” and “connect”. When people look down to their right, they are experiencing some kind of emotions.

There is more to all these communications styles and this is just a brief outline. A great book for more information about these communication styles is “Law of Connection” by Michael Losier.

Topics: Law of Attraction, NLP, Relationships | 1 Comment »

How I coached a child?

By zaheen | April 4, 2011

I had a mother call me up and tell me she was referred to our wellness centre by a mental health therapist for her 9 year old daughter, specifically for meditation. Upon questioning she stated that her child seems more anxious and “worried”, especially since her older sister passed away. I asked if I could offer a consultation and mom gladly agreed. Now my coaching is based on Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and we are taught how when we are doing something unconsciously we are actually making images at the same time, which lead to words and thoughts and then lead to belief systems which form our reality.

Mom and daughter come into my office and after talking for a while about what they mean when daughter is anxious or worried, I ask daughter to give me an example of when she thinks she is anxious and she gives an example of when mom drops her school and when she comes out of the car she tells mom (every school day): ” Don’t forget to pick me up” Now this may sound pretty normal to some of you because it may be something most kids would say. However, her mom has never left her at school and has been on time. Daughter wants to stop saying that, but she doesn’t know why she says that in the first place.

I placed a card on the floor with the word “Example” written on it. I asked daughter to step on the card and act out exactly what she does when she comes out of the car at school. As soon as she said the words above, I asked her to step off the floor card and observe herself coming out of the car and saying those words… and as she says them what is going through her head, what images is she forming?

Daughter says, “I feel mom loves older sister (who passed away 3 years ago) more than me. I am scared.” We stopped the consultation at this point because both daughter and mom did not realize that this is what was going on. We chatted some more and I remember mom telling me that she could not believe how I “unpacked” the issue in half hour when this has never come up with the mental health therapist. I told her this is the magic of NLP!

Topics: Law of Attraction, NLP, Relationships | No Comments »

Being Free to Choose What to Eat

By zaheen | March 6, 2011

November 2010, I held my one-day workshop on “Release the Weight” and I had a gentleman who had struggled with his weight for a while. In the afternoon, when we worked on finding his limiting belief and like most people who have gone through the 4-step method, it was a shock for him to realize he had been holding on to a limiting belief that was along the lines of worthiness – I can’t exactly remember what it was. However, as we proceeded on  to replace that belief to an empowering one that would help him release weight, he was completely immersed in the process and came up with a beautiful empowering belief as follows: “I am free to choose”

As I was coaching this gentleman a couple of months later, he stated how powerful the belief change was because it helps him overcome temptations. For example, where once he would see a bag of chips, he would grab it and eat it, but now when he sees a bag of chips, he says to himself, “I am free to choose” and automatically the temptation disappears and life goes on. Well, I am happy to say that he has released some weight and he looks great.

Topics: NLP, weightloss | No Comments »

Do you have will power or self control?

By zaheen | February 2, 2011

I just completed my workshop on belief systems and weight loss and I worked with a lady who upon doing some group work, found that her limiting belief was, “I have no self control”. Here is some background – from the time she came home at 3 p.m. to suppertime, she would find herself snacking away and so she felt that she had no self control or will power.

The next part of the workshop is to change the limiting belief to an empowering one using a 4-step belief-change method (created by Tim and Kris Hallbom of the NLP institute of California). As the lady went through the steps, I decided to ask her, “Has there been a time that you do have self control?” She answered yes, so I asked her, “give me an example of when you seem to have self control?”

She answered, “When I shop with my friends, I seem to have more self control and do not spend frivolously.” I then asked her, “What makes you not spend frivolously?” She stated quite confidently that she will not spend on an item just because it is $5 or on sale, she will spend on quality and only if she is sure that this is what she wants.

I then told her to take that feeling of self control as a resource and know that indeed she does have self control and she can use that same resource feeling when she finds herself going towards the pantry or refrigerator. She stayed in that feeling for a while and then I asked her to create a new empowering belief that would replace the old limiting one. With calmness, confidence and some tears she stated, “I am strong and confident and am free to choose!”

I asked her to visualize her new future with the resource she has and her new empowering belief and it looked promising. I will find out how she is doing since the workshop.

Topics: Law of Attraction, NLP, weightloss | 1 Comment »

Do You Find Comfort in Food 2?

By zaheen | January 6, 2011

So continuing from the last post:

As my client informed me about the co-worker and the frustration she was having, we stepped aside and I explained to her that “Every behaviour has a positive intention.” I have said this to many clients and some have replied, “I don’t see any positive intention in this behaviour.” However, at the end of the coaching session each one realizes the positive intention.

For example, when a person smokes, the behaviour or habit is seen as negative because the cigarette is harming the individual’s health. However, when you ask a smoker, “what do you get from smoking or what is the positive intention behind smoking?” Some will say “relaxation” while others will say “freedom”. Therefore, the individual smoking is really looking for a way to relax better or access the feeling of freedom, which are all positive things.

So going back to my client, I asked her to go back to a time when she felt the frustration with her co-worker and observe the positive intention behind the co-worker’s behaviour. Then I asked her to float into her co-worker and access the positive intention of the behaviour. Finally, I asked her to float on top or out to her side and observe the interaction between herself and the co-worker.

My client stated that the positive intention behind her c0-worker’s behaviour was so that the co-worker did not have to face any conflicts later on and the co-worker wanted to run everything as smoothly as she could. My client stated that she had never thought of it this way and now knowing this, she understands better where her co-worker is coming from and the frustration could be less or could disappear altogether!

Yes, we did continue walking the NLP levels and came up with beliefs around weight and self-esteem, which we tackled later on.

Topics: NLP, weightloss | No Comments »

Do you find comfort in food?

By zaheen | January 3, 2011

I was coaching one of my clients in releasing weight and one of the things that kept coming up for her was self-sabotage. Sound familiar? My client would crave for sweet carbs and she could not figure out why she kept reaching for them. I decided to walk her through her neurological levels (one of the many techniques in Neuro Linguistic Programming) to find out what was going on for her. After asking her when she finds her self “self -sabotaging” the most, she answered, “coming home after work”.

Neurological levels consist of 6 levels: Environment, Behaviour, Capabilities, Beliefs, Identity and  Spiritual. I wrote down each level on a piece of paper and laid it on the floor, allowing the client to step onto each level as I asked some questions.

As I asked the client some questions around the levels of Environment and Behaviour, she repeated the feeling of “being frustrated when coming home from work” a few times and so she would find that eating sweet carbs would comfort her and make her feel better.

Now most of us would just assume that my client comes home frustrated because she has just worked 12 hours or she is tired or she hates being there, etc. Therefore, without assuming anything, I asked her, “What makes you come home frustrated, after work?” She looked at me with the expression of  “I don’t know”, but right away her face lit up and she said, “I think it is one of the people I work with.”

A different answer from what we would have assumed! I then used another technique on overcoming that issue and I am going to share that with you in my next blog.

Topics: Law of Attraction, NLP, weightloss | No Comments »

Recipe for Rapport by Tom Hoobyar, NLP Comprehensive

By zaheen | December 28, 2010

The holidays are a time when you are required to be around relatives (or in-laws) that you don’t enjoy. Let’s face it; there are people that we see this time of year because, well, we can’t avoid them like we do the rest of the year.

Here’s a formula for making your holidays fun and interesting, no matter who you have to deal with. If you follow the easy instructions below, you’ll be appreciated by anyone you are with, and you’ll be developing skills and habits that will serve you “back in the world” as well.

Instead of just enduring your least favorite people, you can really enjoy them!

How? By using some basic (but rarely practiced) NLP skills to discover how to make anyone feel really good – and interesting — while in your presence.

And we all know that when you make someone feel like they are interesting, they think you’ve suddenly developed some insight and taste, and they will enjoy being with you too!

I know many of you have had NLP training. So have I. But many who read this have not had formal training.

So here’s the recipe for turning what had been social drudgery into a real winning and interesting experience for yourself.

Believe me, it will change your whole experience of your holiday – make it fun instead of a chore – and maybe give you a whole new perspective on someone you had probably written off over the years.

RECIPE FOR RAPPORT

I know, you think you know this already. Maybe you do. But I’ve been in more training classes, as student then as coach, than most people. Also, I’ve had the advantage of 16 years of active study group meetings to practice in.

I still forgot some of the nicer little tricks about getting along with others.

Until I did a review for this email. The idea for this email, and some of the details, came from DVD #3 of the Living Encyclopedia. The wording is mine.
The 6 Secrets Of Being Well-Liked

1 – The biggest secret of popularity is to give your whole-hearted attention to the other person

2 – The second biggest secret of being well liked is to forget yourself completely and become genuinely interested in other people

3 – The third big secret of being popular with others is to learn to listen with everything you’ve got

4 – The fourth big secret of popularity is not to be a know-it-all.  “I didn’t know that!” are magic words.

5 – The fifth big secret of being popular is to admit your mistakes, especially if someone has been hurt or inconvenienced. It’s good to apologize even when it’s not your fault.

6 – The sixth big secret is to say “Thank you” every chance you get.

Everybody cares about himself or herself, so as long as you make someone feel comfortable and interesting, you will be liked and accepted.  You can practice this with any other person; it just takes two of you.

Other people and their interests are more important to them than you and your interests.  If you get it and sincerely reflect this attitude, you’ll become magnetic.

Don’t forget the incredible power of non-verbal communication.Pay attention to eye contact, space requirements, and anchoring opportunities.

A few simple rules…

DON’T EVER INTERRUPT, (unless you are interrupting to agree or cheer with approval). Exception – You can always stop them by interrupting and saying, “Let me be sure I heard what you just said.”  They will almost always stop and give you the floor to see if you got their message.

DON’T EVER CONTRADICT; if you must disagree, simply offer another viewpoint – AFTER validating and appreciating what you’ve just heard.   Like:  “I understand that, and I wonder if _______________(use a reframe from the next page, or offer a suggested alternative)”.  Avoid any hint of criticism or ridicule.

Avoid using the words “but” or “why”, and phrases starting with “you” (unless you are feeding back their language or making a complimentary statement).  Generally replace “but” with “and”.

And some questions…

1) Get their name, and do not think of anything else until you see their name on their foreheads.  Repeat it 5 times to yourself, and if possible, remember someone else you know with that name.  Call them by their name in that first conversation.

2) Compliments work. Sincere “You make this look easy…” or kidding, “I’ll bet you’ve got a screen test coming up; I’m shocked you’re not a big star already!”

3) Parrot. All you need to do sometimes is to repeat the last two or three words a person said as a question:  “I’m tired.”  “Tired?”  They’ll keep talking.

4) Don’t say, “What do you do?” It makes you sound like either an interviewer or a salesman.  Say instead, “How do you spend most of your time?”

5) Listen for whether they use visual, auditory or kinesthetic words. It’ll give you a sense about how to match up with their way of thinking. Then you can adopt the same way of speaking, by just inserting a seeing, hearing or physical word in your speech.

For instance:

Visual: colors, “seeing” words – “I see what you mean”

Auditory: “hearing” words – “I like the sound of that!”

Kinesthetic: “feeling” or “physical” words – “I get your point”

Topics: NLP, Relationships | 4 Comments »

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